a dream for the hopeless

Oh, how my soul was beguiled

By the taint that is hidden in the core of your heart

And I flail to escape from the gibbet

Oh, how unintelligible could you be?

My quavering soul that cannot seem to escape

From the hidden shadows that undermine my soul

Oh, how I pray for your wild heart

As icicles pierce my gaunt skin

And I mourn for your heart, my sweet;

The disputation that arose when I have awoken

And how shortly my soul began to dance

To the ballad of your corrupted heart’s sibilance tune

And as I slowly purge to reconcile our quarrel

I ask, I ask, I ask!

How this will never fulfill to conciliatory

And your heart dares to bewilder this soul

Oh, how adamant could you be?

I beg and plea

But you cannot seem to listen

And now, today, penitence overcomes

I mourn, mourn, and mourn

And the flowing blood in my veins are no longer.

Wrote this last semester for my English class. Got extra credit for it. :)

Happy New Year

I hope that this year brings much more happiness into my life and into yours.

random

It’s been a tough year. Soon it will be my yearly overview of the year, and I have to admit, it’s going to be quite tough to write — but of course, this year had some amazing moments.. more so with the love of my life, going to Puerto Rico and seeing family I have not seen since I was 10, and this school year. This school year has certainly been very busy and I get stressed extremely easy. Those who know me will know clearly that stress and I do not get along whatsoever.

On a very sad note, my best friend of 7 years is losing her life. She has been there for me through thick and thin, and I want to apologize to her that I was never the greatest friend in the world, that I was never the best she could have asked for. I have let her down multiple times, and now her life seems that it is coming to an end. I wish I could express to her everything, but last I heard she is in Intensive Care on a ventilator and sedated. Perhaps I have grown far too used to death… After all, grief is a common friend of mine.

It’s a very, very sad thing to think about : For seven years you have made friends who you had a gift in common with : Cystic Fibrosis… and this disease takes them down one by one, but that does not make them weak.. It makes them a hero for keeping up for so long. I used to always think; “Am I next?” and now look where I am at… I’m right here. Three years after my transplant. Alive and breathing…. but, slightly alone. Alone without those friends. Alone with my brother gone, and now my best friend will be gone soon… Perhaps I am insisting that she will be gone, but to tell you the truth; I am unsure of what prayers and warm thoughts would do.. I myself am not religious, but I truly appreciate other people’s views, and if they decide to pray for her, pray for me, pray for someone who needs prayers.. then it is to my greatest gratitude. I do not know, though, why I still am alive. My brother’s gone, and so are my other friends, and my cousin — all due to Cystic Fibrosis. My mother tells me that in life, people will die. Unfortunately, I often appear to be ungrateful and do not respond in an appropriate manner. But luckily, my mom accepts me for who I am. 

Religion is a common debate, but all humans naturally need something to debate on.. This is why peace is close to impossible to achieve, no matter what you do, people will always be in conflict. If everyone shared the same beliefs of when it comes to peace being simply, peace. Then all will be well. But how else would we learn from life if there is no conflict? How else? That is why peace is close to impossible to achieve… However, you can achieve peace within yourself, and the only peace you can achieve could be temporary. You will always be at a constant battle with your mind, but that will not stop you from achieving peace.. The more conflict you get into with your mind, the greater the peace you will achieve that will remain temporarily.. and so it will go on.

I’ve been thinking about what I want to do for college, and to tell you the truth, I’m quite nervous, but very excited at the same time. High School life isn’t exactly fun for me, and to tell you the truth, it’s okay. It gives me more hope for the future. My boyfriend gives me hope to go through every day. I cannot even begin to describe how much he means to me. Perhaps I will write how much he means to me. I don’t often let others know how much he means to me… and I want to share my love for him so the whole world can see.. 

I think I should post more sharing my deepest thoughts. I do not share them often, and I keep them inside. I should be doing my homework right now. But I think I will post a bit more…..

Q & A

Thank you!

English class

Every week we are assigned a list of vocabulary words we must use to write a story with, which makes me ecstatic because this is really helping me with my trouble with writing and I seem to be doing a great job :D I don’t think they’re that fantastic but I try my very best. I sometimes write without even thinking about what to say next to obviously there is grammar errors (and please forgive me, English is NOT my first language.) So I always have trouble, and who doesn’t? A writer doesn’t always write perfectly because they always have issue with grammar at some points! *Correct me f I’m wrong!!!* 

Maria Umpierre

Period 2

Vocabulary Story #2

“I believe that I saw him the other day, however, he was quite imperceptible so I was unable to tell.” Navi said, her voice was as quiet as a minor blizzard. Her eyes could pierce someone’ heart, even the most prodigious heart has the ability to be pierced by her bright blue eyes. “You saw him?” Ella asked. Ella was one to fill someone’s heart with true warmth, the qualm of someone’s heart fades away rapidly once her angelic, deep oval shaped eyes would look into someone else’s. Navi and Ella are two sisters that are quite opposite from each other – Navi is cold with aquamarine-tinted eyes, whilst Ellah is one with hazel eyes. Navi is often denounced to have a bitter soul; the reason why they have a tendency to accuse her of her bitterness in a formal manner is because no one has yet to have the heart to just accuse her in an inappropriate fashion.

“I am unsure whether I saw him or not, Ella.” Navi spoke. “I was taking a walk on the deep woods where an icicle would have fallen off a frozen tree and killed you in a matter of seconds.”

“What?” Ella responded. “Navi, dear mother said that we weren’t supposed to go to into the deep woods. You know how dangerous it is.” Ella was concerned for Navi, but at the same time, it felt as if she was already used to it. “Oh, my sweet young sister.” Navi spoke softly. “You know just how stealthy I can be, and furthermore, I’m often immaculate when going out into the woods alone, especially in the winter time.” Navi was quite confident of herself when it comes to going out alone, whether it be the hottest day of the year, coldest day of the year, or even at night. “Oh, but the nights are dangerous, Navi!” Ella was inaudibly as for Navi had stopped paying attention to Ella’s warnings. Ella was able to notice how Navi had lost interest of the constant nagging her younger sister gives her when it comes to Navi taking high risks. She then quickly changed the subject into who she had seen.

“So, about hi—“

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Navi raised her voice quickly.

“You mentioned it first, Navi.” Ella attempted to keep things in probity.

Navi quickly turned her back to her sister, walked towards the window where the snow is falling quietly.

“Navi…”

Quiet sobs.

“I cannot believe I can still see him, Ella. He had died five years ago. Why do I still see him? Am I crazy? Or is this just a hallucination? A façade? Forbidding?” Navi spoke through her tears. Ella then quickly walked to her sister and pat her on the back. “I’m sorry.” Ella was trying to fight the tears back, she thought that she had no right to cry when it was not her who had to see him fade away.

“They were remorseless, Ella. I tried to do all I possibly could, but I cannot fathom how much I miss him. I tried to save his life. I tried to take my own so he could escape. Nothing worked, Ella. Nothing did.”

“Sister, I am so sorry.”

“I lost the one thing mattered most to me, all because of our parents. Now my heart is torn full of qualm.”

“This wasn’t supposed to happen, Navi. I know.”

“Yes it was, Ella. This was supposed to happen. I risked everything, but the one who ended up murdered was him. Not me.”

“I did all I could to save the one thing that mattered most to me, and I have failed him.”

One day, I’m going to be a famous writer.

And I will inspire millions of people throughout this world.

Because inspiring others is my passion.

Take me deep into the sea

To an unspoken place

Where our hearts lie

Peacefully side by side

The soft melody of our beats

Skipping one another

And the daffodils dancing

To the wind’s calm

And I see from deep within the sea

The stars shining bright

Deep within where our hearts rest

From this very second

And to the never-ending world

From these jasper eyes

To those that reflect the ocean

Eternity has been unveiled

To the journey of the wanderer

To the ash colored skies

And the sun hidden in the clouds

And to open the hidden door

Where my heart rests

And the undying love

For you, it will fly.

If I could see you again

I would take you to the moon

And to the stars

Where we both share the tales

Of our troubles

To the part where we shed the tears

And the next where we hug

If I could see you again

I would say one final goodbye

And let you be free.

It’s such a depressing thought.

Living with CF has never been easy, more so with transplant and diabetes; sure, you have hope once you get your transplant and your lifespan is extended. (I know mine was for a fact.)

Before I had my transplant, I was on oxygen 24/7 and I was always in a wheelchair. Walking from my room to the kitchen would leave me breathless and I would cough. I’d spend endless nights coughing so much to the point where I’d throw up blood. 

I don’t know what else to put in this note.

But what I do want to say is

It’s a depressing thing when you have CF and are ill, or when you feel hopeless despite the fact that you’re healthy. You constantly think “I want to do all I can while I’m still alive.” You are unsure of whether you are going to live to see the day where you get graduate, go to college, get married, and have a family.

Then you recklessly spend money on things because it feels like you have to save for or to live for because you feel like that you aren’t going to live that long.

I’ve seen CFers live for a long time

But I guess when someone has been so impacted by the death of young CFers below their 25s, especially when it’s more than 6 CF friends you’ve seen pass away so young, you convince yourself you’ll end up like them too.

It makes me tear up just to think about. How sad it is to live a life where you think most of the time; “Who would want to marry me?” “I should do all I can while I still am alive.” “Will I graduate?” “Will I get married?”

It’s difficult, because sometimes, you find it hard to believe people would want to keep up with you because you think you’re such an emotional wrekc.

(I know for a fact, that I am an emotional wreck.)

Or maybe that’s just me being dramatic.

Sometimes, I wish I was someone else.

But then I remind myself that I’m such a kind hearted person with a great spirit

But then my fears and experiences bring me down, and sometimes, I can’t shake it off.

I know all it takes is mind power, and you guys probably think I’m being stupid or dramatic.

But really, I still find it depressing to think about. You see all these people around you having the time of their life, taking their life for granted, each breath for granted while you just sit there thinking about how your lungs were so fucked up once and you didn’t even do anything to cause it. You were just born with it. It’s like you’re cursed, but sometimes, it can be a blessing.

Then it also sucks how you grow so close to other CFers and one day you wake up and are told that they’re gone.

This is why I hate growing close to other CFers.

I’ve lost too many people, including my own brother due to this disease.

I can’t lose anymore people. I will break.

Q & A

Thanks, JT! :)

Q & A

Thank you!!!!